insouciancely (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
insouciancely) wrote2012-11-19 05:49 am
insouciancely) wrote2012-11-19 05:49 am
Dream
I've been having weird dreams again. If I want to be honest with myself, I always have weird dreams! I guess there are varying degrees what I deem so. I had told someone about it, but I don't think they remember. I don't even know why that's relevant! It's a little personal so I'm going to cut it here. It has suicide, and sexual matter so cutting accordingly!
It was in a really dark house. It was wooden, and had little lamps strewn around it that glowed in its area rather than illuminating the entire place. It was an orange color that was dim, and dismal. The house was pretty empty except for some overly adorned furniture, and pictures on the wall. I didn't really get to see most of it, aside from the room where I spent the most time in the dream.
The room had wooden floors with a really old bed. It creaked, and had four corners with gold (I don't know what they're called right now) things that stuck up at the corners? It looked cheap, and felt cheap when you lied on it. There was also a bookcase and a small desk that had a bunch of papers on it. Some books littered a corner of the room.
This is when it gets kind of weird? Dirk from Homestuck. I'm not attracted to him. I've never thought of having sex with him. I'm kind of neutral to him, well, not really. I think he's kind of cold, but there's nothing wrong with that. In the dream, we had sex. And it was horrible. Not horrible in the sex was bad, but in a traumatic sense.
I don't know who initiated it, but we started doing it. And in the beginning, it was pretty nice and we were having a good time and all that. He has a relatively small penis, if I remember correctly. We went at it for a while, but then I started feeling sick. I realized I didn't want this sex to have it. I wanted to be degraded and I felt filthy from it.
Like he touched me, and I felt rotten and ashamed of myself. I kept going, out of some desperation but in the end, I just felt too awful with myself, my desires. His face kept flickering to someone elses but I couldn't place who it was. All I know is that I felt sick to my stomach.
Something had happened after that, someone getting hurt? These kids came in way after we were done and told us something was happening outside. Naturally, I went out of the room to look and found a storm brewing in the sky. Rain had already started to trickle down and some of it pattered onto my face. It was cold, but my tears were hot.
I decided I didn't want to be in the dream anymore. I felt to horrified, and disgusted with myself to continue dreaming. Like I had committed a sin, or someone had destroyed me. So I decided to wake onto a platform that floated on top of the water, and swayed slightly.
As the rain picked up, the ocean that it was on become unruly and the swaying become harder to control. I remember I just wanted to be over with it so I walked onto the platform and sat at the very end of it. The water was becoming mindlessly violent, swaying me around like I was nothing. The platform detached from where it was and nearly flipped over a couple of times. It soon floated far from shore.
It's been a long running theme in my nightmares that overpowering masses of water would scare the crap out of me. I'm terrified of them? Not really terrified of them, but I'll start to panic or become scared. So these waves, in the end, consumed me. I woke up thereafter.
It was in a really dark house. It was wooden, and had little lamps strewn around it that glowed in its area rather than illuminating the entire place. It was an orange color that was dim, and dismal. The house was pretty empty except for some overly adorned furniture, and pictures on the wall. I didn't really get to see most of it, aside from the room where I spent the most time in the dream.
The room had wooden floors with a really old bed. It creaked, and had four corners with gold (I don't know what they're called right now) things that stuck up at the corners? It looked cheap, and felt cheap when you lied on it. There was also a bookcase and a small desk that had a bunch of papers on it. Some books littered a corner of the room.
This is when it gets kind of weird? Dirk from Homestuck. I'm not attracted to him. I've never thought of having sex with him. I'm kind of neutral to him, well, not really. I think he's kind of cold, but there's nothing wrong with that. In the dream, we had sex. And it was horrible. Not horrible in the sex was bad, but in a traumatic sense.
I don't know who initiated it, but we started doing it. And in the beginning, it was pretty nice and we were having a good time and all that. He has a relatively small penis, if I remember correctly. We went at it for a while, but then I started feeling sick. I realized I didn't want this sex to have it. I wanted to be degraded and I felt filthy from it.
Like he touched me, and I felt rotten and ashamed of myself. I kept going, out of some desperation but in the end, I just felt too awful with myself, my desires. His face kept flickering to someone elses but I couldn't place who it was. All I know is that I felt sick to my stomach.
Something had happened after that, someone getting hurt? These kids came in way after we were done and told us something was happening outside. Naturally, I went out of the room to look and found a storm brewing in the sky. Rain had already started to trickle down and some of it pattered onto my face. It was cold, but my tears were hot.
I decided I didn't want to be in the dream anymore. I felt to horrified, and disgusted with myself to continue dreaming. Like I had committed a sin, or someone had destroyed me. So I decided to wake onto a platform that floated on top of the water, and swayed slightly.
As the rain picked up, the ocean that it was on become unruly and the swaying become harder to control. I remember I just wanted to be over with it so I walked onto the platform and sat at the very end of it. The water was becoming mindlessly violent, swaying me around like I was nothing. The platform detached from where it was and nearly flipped over a couple of times. It soon floated far from shore.
It's been a long running theme in my nightmares that overpowering masses of water would scare the crap out of me. I'm terrified of them? Not really terrified of them, but I'll start to panic or become scared. So these waves, in the end, consumed me. I woke up thereafter.
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